IDENTITY NON-CRISIS

A friend of mine sent me a forward which goes like this-

' in U.P. or .bihar, kids surnames are decided as follows

agar 1 ka hua to EKNATH

do se hua to DUBEY

3 SE HUA TO TRIVEDI

4 se hua to CHATURVEDI

5 se hua to PANDEY

agar sab ka hua to MISHRA

and agar baap pata na ho to GUPTA..'

my reaction? 'oh ha ha..ERASE..because as it is my cell phone from maurya period is always choking from FULL MEMORY.

i walk back to class and meet her on the way up. she stops for me and i give her a smile and start walking with her when she asks me

"Message mila?"

"oh ya ..your new docomo right? (do doo do ..do dodododo..sorry couldn't resist..
)

"ya i hope you didn't feel offended.."

i gave her a quizzical look and wondered stupidly how does she know I'm from the CHATURVEDI clan..and said " about the CHATURVEDIS being mentioned? no no of course not..!"

"no i mean the joke as a whole.. i mean you know its about people from UP and BIHAR.. "

I paused.. smiled at her..a little too sweetly , fighting back the urge to slap her and said" but why should i feel bad about all that? I've been born and brought up in this city.. I belong to this state as much as you do.."

"ha ha wo to hai ..but..you see..you're still..from north in terms of culture..and er..language."

"No ..my hindi is as bad as yours..its not very fluent and i understand every word of marathi u speak because i have studied it my entire school life..and why would i feel offensive? would you if i sent you a joke making a mockery of maharashtrians? Obviously not! because YOU and I are well educated and citizens of a broad-minded Indian society..don't we make fun of sardars all the time! and we have one of them as our P.M...CHAL its already 1 'o clock."

and i took 2 stairs at a time and rose above. LITERALLY.

and BTW HAPPY NEW YEAR! STAY SAFE , STAY HEALTHY. :)

score more

that time of the year again!

exams fast approaching and i find myself amidst photocopied notes(and not Xeroxed, they were cannoned i guess ) , useless textbooks , fresh stationary and a lot of anxiety. my friends cant believe i don't freak out like them 1 month before exams. because i don't. i get numb so there's really no point telling yourself "ok your exams are around the corner. they're your university exams.you screw them and you get screwed in return. so all you have to do to avoid getting screwed up is study . omg not enough time left to cover all topics and what about my nth revision. I'M GONNA FLUNK! HELP!HELP!MUMMY!!"

see? no point! but that does not mean i'm not ambitious..or am a lukkha (lukkhi) ..in fact this time i'm determined to kick some butt.. very school kids type i know.. but the only possible way is to score more.

and the fact that the champions trophy is the same time as that of the preparatory leave does not help.. nor does the fact that just 10 days before the exams we have the most important festival DIWALI. so while my cousins are gonna have a blast i'm gonna be busy with biodiversity and recombinant dna technology(coz hopefully by that time i would've finished my microbiology)..

till then its just main aur meri padhai....

Downs downs and ups!!

Remember I told you about my environmental science viva?

Well it was conducted this Monday.. How’d it go?

Well let me tell you that was the only good thing that happened that day. Viva and good? No I am not a nerd who enjoys studying and loves thy exams. Read on kindly...

And anyway I had worked on the project ‘stray dogs’ and had written everything in it and the others had to copy it. And the others in my group get ‘GOOD’ and also a ‘VERY GOOD’ and I get a ‘SEEN’.

So there were people who actually bunked a day and sat at home revising for evs viva. I mean revise for evs? Let me clarify that I am no genius at evs and neither had I been studying and preparing for the viva months on end. I just believe that evs is such a subject for which you just need common sense. I mean you need to be aware of what’s happening around you and what you at your level can do to save the environment… am I not right?

So a night before the viva I had this telephonic conversation with apurva mama

MAMA: so evs viva eh?

ME:       ya so? I don’t understand the logic. I mean viva on evs? What can           you possibly study for a viva on evs?

MAMA: Well do all the definitions, and BOD n all.. Usse zada to poochenge nahi...

ME:        YA, well they’ll ask questions on the project we did on stray dogs..

MAMA: HMM... SO FINISHED WITH DEFINITIONS?

Me:        what definitions???? I mean I know all the technical terms... And I can define evs without having to mug the definitions from a reference book! I do not understand why you even need a viva on evs in the first place!! I mean all those people who’re planning to study all night don’t have the common sense to actually apply whatever we’re learning in daily life! They throw wrappers everywhere, leave the tap running in loos, and conveniently forget to switch off the fan when leaving the class room!! I mean how ignorant and stupid can people get!!

MAMA:   WO! WO! So you’re gonna say all this in viva tomorrow? He he

ME:          er, ya good idea!

MAMA:    WHAT!

ME:           ya why not??

MAMA:    ER, how much did you say you scored in your last practical and   viva?

ME: HMM.. 89/100 and 93/ 100

MAMA: HA fir theek hai!! All the best!!

 

So it was worth taking a risk…

1 hour before the scheduled time for viva- had our English lecture and the people begged and pleaded to let them mug and mug so that they could speak in front of the professor.. The teacher was more than obliging but stayed in the class to make sure everyone studies.. Me and purva started discussing our project and all when suddenly-excuse me mam, could I have a word with the students? Said an msc. Prof. Before the eng TR could say the s of “sure”- “WHO WAS THE LAST BATCH TO PERFORM THE PRACTICAL IN THE PTC AND ATC LAB!!!!” and she blasted us all for devastating the lab which the msc. had ‘painstakingly’ cleaned for 3 days…ya the msc. who cleaned and scrubbed the floors, walls, with detttol, alcohol and conveniently left the window open-result we had to do all that in a span of 1 hr because we need perfectly sterile conditions to perform our pracs. So the whole batch was instructed to come and clean the lab immediately. The people were shocked and crestfallen!! 1 hr. to go or the viva and we clean and scrub?? Noway!!

Well we just had to do it didn’t we?  Hmm...The viva begins. Our group’s turn is later... In the meantime we get blasted for the very first time by our hod for listening to songs in the lab.. Big time drama... Anyway finally the moment arrives we place ourselves – me beside our subject teacher and the others right in front of the external examiner. Lets call him Mr. a.

I braced myself for anything to come. The first thing he said was”hmm I’m happy to see a mixed gender group. Good very good.” I almost blurted out BIG DEAL but controlled myself. The viva began.

MR. A – “SO first and foremost my first question to you would be DO YOU THINK EVS IS A BURDEN TO STUDENTS? DO YOU THINK MAYBE THERE IS A BETTER WAY TO DO THIS?

                             WHAAAAAAAAAAAT??????? That guy is asking me to officially tell him the things I had been wanting to tell him?? I mean am I dreaming? OUCH! No I wasn’t!

Couldn’t suppress a grin and I blurted- “sir! I have a well rehearsed answer to this!”

All heads turned. My project partners gave this ‘I knew it’ look... And Mr. a said “oh yes please...”

And I went on and on (of course in a more polite way and editing all the negative stuff about teachers and colleges and all that) and on about how people should actually act in a wise way and imply whatever they are learning to their daily lives and how the future lies in our hands..

Mr. a nodded and smiled. And politely said ‘good very good. So I wa...” and I started again saying things I had forgotten to mention. “That is very good miss. Aditi... Now let us hear what the OTHERS have to say on this.” Followed by” oh sure sir” and a sheepish grin.

The rest of the viva went pretty ok. Some other questions asked on practicality of the subject.

And of course there was- “Aditi!! Did you notice?”

“What?” “Your journal!”

“What about it?”

“Did you check the remark?”

‘Ya well I got a seen, didn’t I?’

“No! While you were answering sir changed you seen remark to EXCELLENT!”

 

BORING, BORING, BORED

What exactly do u do in a boring boring lecture?

I’m sure nobody in the world can proclaim that he or she has never ever attended a boring lecture! I’ll give that person prize money and personally escort him or her to a psychiatrist.

So what do u do? Or did? For convenience let us divide the students into 3 categories a) front benchers b) the in-betweens and c) the back-benchers. As an animal of a particular species adapts itself to its surroundings so do these people.

Front benchers? Well do they really have an option? I mean ok I too sit on the font bench in 2 out of the 3 lectures I attend (ok not exactly the first right under the professor’s nose and amidst the chalk dust) but all the days in the year? I agree that some lectures are interesting but not all. What if you’re caught in such a situation? You have no other way out than dreaming. It’s the no. 1 solution in such cases. Use your imaginative powers to the core. After all where do you think great artists and poets like Wordsworth sat? (Except of course the commode. Another excellent place for a brainwave after bath tubs as in the case of Aristotle).If the teacher sees you start nodding excessively. This might cause a sprain in your neck beside the othe effects like asthama caused by the chalk dust and going deaf owing to the shrill voice of the prof. And even your brain wakes up as it gets shaken so hard because of the nodding.

 

  The in betweens- these guys know how to play it safe and are my personal favorites. What are the possibilities one can explore in such a situation? One can draw anything in the world! My friend anuja used her caricatures and the other interesting stuff she drew in the biology class and made a portfolio out of it. People who have never attended their art class at school discover an all new side of theirs. Drawing cartoons, stick figures, caricatures, cars, or even your own inventions like superheroes with extra ordinary powers! Is such a good feeling. Other options include the cousins of drawing lettering and calligraphy. Sheetal for once was obsessed with lettering. And I hate to admit she was pretty good at it. Still is. And another friend of mine derives god knows what pleasure in writing the word ‘rat’ yes you read it correctly ‘rat’ all over the page in cursive.

Females of my class get nostalgic sometimes and start playing x and 0. And also joining the dots. At school the others use to play FLAMES and love percentage and giggle stupidly.

The last benchers are a test of time. Well atleast some are. These include two sub categories- 1) those who were born intelligent and are good at multi-tasking. These are the highly intelligent species that can text from under the bench, keep looking around and also answer satisfactorily when the teacher suspiciously asks them a question.  2) The totally ignorant, who-the-hell cares dudes (or wannabes in most of the cases) who never listen to what the prof has to say, borrow someone else’s notes and barely manage to pass. Last benchers can do all the things the in betweens can and also have a chat. They can also doze off to sleep. They are the most benefited in a boring lecture. You have to match up with all the criteria these people have in order to obtain a seat at the back of the class. And you have no business staring at these people with frustration if you cannot listen to what the professor has to say. Who asked you to sit there in the first place?

    The other things that one can do are make paper planes, stare dumbly at the board and other stuff.  The sincere kinds who would die but not admit directly that the desk is more interesting than the professor start completing their notes, journals etc.                                                              These are the stepping stones towards successfully surviving board (bored whichever) meetings in the future. Start practicing now!                                                                                       (p.s. this was written in one of the boring lectures.)

exam fever...

The word itself gives you nausea. The teachers inform you well in advance.
Exams coming up people! Buck up!
Buck up my foot you think. First at least complete the portion.
And you start dreaming or rather daydreaming particularly in the boring genetics lecture where the professor goes on”blah blah blah...” in an irritating boring voice. You feel yes this is your time. This is the time when you can prove it to the world what you are. You can show that show-off in the class that only blabbering in the class with the text book placed on your lap is not smartness. You dream stupidly about the teacher announcing “…and the first ranker this time is ... no not you sonali it’s Aditi!! “
Applause applause… oh no wait that’s the teacher banging the desk with the duster.
A livid discussion about the exam meets you in the recess... Oh gosh! What do I do! the portion’s not going to finish on time and that meta teacher is going to screw the practical!. You grin stupidly and think ha! What losers... They should follow my example.
And you get lost in your dreams again... (What to do! Pisceans have this weird quality which by the way is a savior in boring lectures)
Let’s go to a few weeks before the exams. You have managed to finish quite a few chapters which is a Herculean task in itself (amidst friends, family gossip, new movies and other stuff). You realize once you go through previous years question papers that “picture abhi baaki hai dost” n you still have to cover huge amounts. You try concentrating and make a time table which you never follow.
Strange are the ways of humans. Relatives do not find any time more suitable than this to pay a visit to oh my dearest niece!! Ya right. And then the blabber mouth from college calls up to proclaim that I haven’t even started studying when you are well aware that all she’s doing is mug mug and mug!! I hate such people who have these weird strategies. Then there are others who call up and ask yar how tensed I am n how come you aren’t? so that’s my problem? That I am not tensed??
One day before exams: ok now am tensed... don’t feel like studying at all. Just revise whatever I feel like making sure I score decent marks. I don’t understand how people sacrifice on their sleep. I don’t give a damn whether my 24th revision is left or oh lets practice this for the umpteenth time... Sleep is dear.
Exam day: everything’s going fine. Mums fed me dahi shakkar. My prayers are done. Alls well. I vow to fill pages so that the examiner will at least give me some marks and I keep in mind what apurva mama advised me to do. All goes on smoothly when whats-his-name comes up and asks “hey did you do the salvage pathway?” and you’re like"yeah of course. It goes something like...Er...Salvage pathway right...Ya ya I know… oh heck lemme revise it for the last time”
And guess what it does come in the paper!!
Result comes out... Turns out I have got pretty decent marks. And sonali is first as usual. Still learning how not to dream and how to focus as my dad(a Piscean himself) puts it. The sooner I learn it the better. And I can already see myself holding my mark sheet which says 90%...