the bigger picture

The exam month is over. The testing times have passed..Or have they?

Finished with my theory and practical. Singular not plural. They went pretty ok... And a big hello to JD!http://janakidani.wordpress.com/ Good work there... as always J Now for the bigger picture..

This is my final year at college. I’ll be a graduate next summer and I’ll be giving entrance exams running from one city to other. Have started preparing but its not enough if I want to achieve something better. Bigger.

Each day makes me realize what is left to be done and what I have done. What have I achieved so far? What have I done for myself? For my parents? For my country? Blame it on the overcast weather for all the self contemplation which by the way is very important. Self analysis from time to time helps one become a better person.

This self analysis helped me realize the vast change I’d undergone since school. At school I was this big teacher’s pet with one best friend. Those kinds who took part in all possible extra curricular activities (leaving aside sports of course)- a leader in every sense, perceived as snobbish , full of attitude till about the eighth grade, then life changed people changed. My perspective of looking at people changed. I became a better person. Being non judgmental and respecting the individuality every being possessed was a valuable lesson learnt. By the time I left school I had grown tall not only in terms of height; but in thoughts too.

So am I a saint? No none of us are! Do I take pleasure in others times of troubles? No! Even if they are arch enemies...Umm…Maybe...Would I help them if they came to me? Yes! Surprisingly yes! Each one has his or her own take on situations life has to give. If you desperately seek advice try calling at least 2 or 3 friends… each one will have their own way of tackling problems.. So your mind too gets the bigger picture…your thinking capabilities change. You appreciate others points of views and are much more at ease adapting to those... Another valuable lesson learnt albeit with sour experiences.

Each day brings with it many obstacles some which one has been through, some very hard to handle…but at the end of the day what matters is your inner strength…and your thought process which has to be oriented in a positive way.

I know it’s easier said than done. But I am trying really hard to do it.. Believe me. Just the fact that you are trying to be a better person, taking efforts to accept your negative thoughts and improving makes you a better person. Not perfect. Just better.

score more

that time of the year again!

exams fast approaching and i find myself amidst photocopied notes(and not Xeroxed, they were cannoned i guess ) , useless textbooks , fresh stationary and a lot of anxiety. my friends cant believe i don't freak out like them 1 month before exams. because i don't. i get numb so there's really no point telling yourself "ok your exams are around the corner. they're your university exams.you screw them and you get screwed in return. so all you have to do to avoid getting screwed up is study . omg not enough time left to cover all topics and what about my nth revision. I'M GONNA FLUNK! HELP!HELP!MUMMY!!"

see? no point! but that does not mean i'm not ambitious..or am a lukkha (lukkhi) ..in fact this time i'm determined to kick some butt.. very school kids type i know.. but the only possible way is to score more.

and the fact that the champions trophy is the same time as that of the preparatory leave does not help.. nor does the fact that just 10 days before the exams we have the most important festival DIWALI. so while my cousins are gonna have a blast i'm gonna be busy with biodiversity and recombinant dna technology(coz hopefully by that time i would've finished my microbiology)..

till then its just main aur meri padhai....

death be not proud

I don’t want a missing entry for July. I mean what did July do to me! Lots actually. The reason why there’s such a long gap between 2 posts is well yet to be determined. There’s no one particular reason which I can pin point…

Anyway July has been eventful. A lot has happened since the last post. Got my result-74.3% if anyone cares, third year has started long back... been giving tests and not being given reference books.. Had to hunt for a project which has to be submitted before year end.. ... And also had to hunt for partners which was more excruciating than searching for topics.. After all I did not wanna end up with those two who keep discussing KI KAL RAAT KE MILEY JAB HUM TUM MAI MAYANK NE NUPUR KE SAATH KYA KIYA.. Phew! So I’ve found two decent partners and my presentation can be anytime this week..

Turns out angel and demons did hit the multiplexes here and fortunately for us we saw it in English. No reviews. Am not a good critic.. Also I did manage to see Harry potter and the half blood prince.. And I did not like it..

Bhagat sir is staying back for a while. Till they find a replacement. That I think isn’t gonna be easy..

I would like to share this poem which I learned in 7^th or the 8^th I guess...

Death Be Not Proud

by John Donne
(1572-1631)

---

DEATH be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for, thou art not so,
For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poor death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures bee,
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee doe go,
Rest of their bones, and souls deliverie.
Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poyson, warre, and sicknesse dwell,
And poppie, or charmes can make us sleepe as well,
And better then thy stroake; why swell'st thou then;
One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.

Now now. I’m not depressed or anything. Nor am I dying. Just that in the past few days a lot of talk about death and dying has been going on. And I have realized I don’t cringe anymore. Nor do I feel scared as I used to. I remember vividly the day SHIRLEY Tr. was telling us about NOAH’S ARK. I was in the fourth STD then. She said God promised that he would not destroy earth again with water. But God being God found a loophole when man was being a bad boy. He said next I’ll destroy the earth with fire. And she said that can happen anytime. Coz we’re practically in the age of nuclear weapons and before God has even a chance to say BOOM we would’ve destroyed each other ourselves thanks to the nuclear weapons. That scared the hell out of me! I came home and cried and cried that the world was coming to an end and we are all going to die and I’m probably not related to modern day Noah! My mum just laughed and said we all do have to die one day or the other. That really didn’t help. But later when I got a little more sensible and started understanding things in a better way I understood what life is all about. Living with the fear that you’ll be dying one day is as good as being dead. And like adke mam told her friend suffering from HIV “you atleast know you’ll survive for 8 to 10 years... I don’t even know if I’ll get through the next two min!”

I know all this is spooky and u might think I’m going nuts. But it’s my triumph over fear of death. Everyone’s being dying.. Someday I will too.. Until then life’s a meadow... J

birthday special or special birthday?

Its 11^th march. My 19^th birthday.  I was born 19 years ago on this same day and co incidentally it was holi that day too.

Birthdays have always been special. I remember being super excited from February itself. I couldn’t wait for 11^th march.

My birthday cakes have always been home made. Almost. When we did not have an oven it was jaju aunty who used to bake delicious cakes in the shapes of dolls, butterflies and all that. My mother used to cook mouth watering delicacies and the kids from colony, school friends, family friends would all turn up for the bash. I used to love my birthday parties. Dressing up for the same was such a lot of fun. Dressing up in pink frill frocks (when I did not mind pink) and skirts and receiving compliments for the same was a ritual. And the excitement of unwrapping presents when everyone was gone was uncontrollable!

In school I used to distribute chocolates and choose a lucky friend to accompany me to distribute sweets from class to class. The teachers too used to admire my dresses. And back then all that mattered too.

Now things are different. I really don’t make a fuss with what I’m going to wear. i do not expect gifts because over the years I’ve realized that what matters to me the most is the presence of loved ones. An ideal birthday for me would be my really close friends, and my family at my place hogging on home made pasta (or pizzas or Chinese. Mum is great!)

And of course who can forget the bday cake!

Lets see what this year has in store for me. Nothing much today I guess coz its exam time. But still it is a special day for me because it makes me realize there’s a lot to do... And time is running out.. J

The year that was and that wasn’t and what it could’ve been…

Ok what it could’ve been? I can fill it with lots of stuff like” I could’ve got a free tip to Mauritius” or “I could’ve won a lottery of a billion dollars!”
So let’s just keep this to what it was… good bad ugly and pichak!
First d bad…
1.Screwed up d first year results like hell!
2.Missed out on 4 class trips out of 4.
3.Got noticed by teachers, seniors, fellow classmates, peons, lab assistants etc. etc and d result everyone knows your name! Bang! I can’t tell you how that totally sucks!
4.Formed a group of 13 friends me being d odd one out n being d odd one out you always got to sit at the head of the table, get to sit alone in class and are unofficially handed the responsibility of taking out permissions and stuff!
5.Met with a near fatal accident that has left a scar that should diminish with time.
6.Slid down snow n injured my left leg!
7.Lost the quiz recently... L
8.Saw some crappy movies like bachna ae haseeno and rab ne bana di Jodi!! Oh lord why!!

And now for some good stuff!
1.I turned 18!! Yay yay!! (Who says growing old is bad?)
2.I got a new cell phone… what’s great about that? Well it is if it’s an I phone!! (Which is now being used by my mother as I’m scared to carry it everywhere!)
3.I went for a trek in the Himalayas!!!!!!
4.Met some cool people there such as londhe kaka, himanshu, parag, farzan sir, radhika, ritesh,sarvesh,shubhu etc. etc n discovered that I have lost the race to the maddest person on earth to anuja!!
5.Did rappelling!
6.Read hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy!
7.discovered many new places one could cycle and walk in peace
8.Arranged a very successful teacher’s day – anchored it, decided the games, decided the decorations, ordered for food, argued with the seniors- hello am I in management studies??
9.Attended aunt’s wedding and had loads of fun!!
10.Had loads of fun and memorable moments with friends in coll n of course with sheetal in person or on the phone!
11.Started blogging!!
12.Made up 4 d 1st years result... Broke into top 5 for the first semesters!
13.Learnt driving a four wheeler…
14.Baked cakes on birthdays…. J
15.Isolated DNA!! The coolest thing ever!! Gives such a high!!

So that completes d list … finding happiness in small things and ignoring small things is the thing to do if u want a happy life... Happy New Year people!!